Discovering Love
by PixiesCanFly
Summary: Snape loves Lily. Narcissa loves Lucius. Each feels alone in the unrequieted love that inhabits them, until they stumble upon each other and form a friendship that could help them understand the true nature of love.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N-** These are vaguely chronological, but also vaguely unrelated incidents between Snape and Narcissa. They don't happen over a couple of days, but are spread over a few months in sixth year. However, they are, for the most part, posted in order of occurence.

* * *

He sat, curled against the wall of the corridor, cold wind shuddering through him as he ran through that day's torment again in his mind.

'_Hey, Snivellus,' James Potter. The last person he wanted to see. Not when he was marrying her. Not when he had everything that Snape had ever wanted. Not when he was going to torment him. _

'_Snivelly, are you ignoring us?' Better than just Potter, it was Potter and Black. His day just couldn't get any better, 'Because I might just have to curse you if you are. Ignoring people isn't very nice, now is it?' Snape gathered his books and made for the door of the classroom, ignoring their taunts. It was then that he heard something that cut him to the core. _

'_Leave it James,' it was her, 'He's not worth the detention. He's nothing but a slimy slytherin. He's not even worth cursing.'_

_Snape felt the sob catch in his throat as he fled the classroom, running past his fellow slytherins who jeered at the tears on his face. He just kept running. It was the last class of a Friday. He wouldn't be missed until Monday. None of his house cared about him, none of the other houses did so long as he didn't present them a target. Nobody cared. She didn't even care any more. His breath hitched again and he cursed the tears pouring down his cheeks as he collapsed against a wall somewhere unknown in the castle and sobbed out his love for Lily bloody Evans. _

'She's not worth it,' a voice from somewhere above him muttered as a girl slid down the wall next to him. Ashamed, he quickly wiped his tears and pulled his emotions back under control, but it was pointless denying that something had upset him.

'Why do you assume it's a girl, Narcissa?' he spat instead.

'You're telling me it's a boy?' she grinned at him. He spluttered. That was not what he had meant at all.

'No, it's...I meant...it does not...why assume that it's a person?' He tried to recover himself as she giggled quietly before sobering up and looking at him with sad eyes.

'Tears like that? It's a safe bet to say you've had your heart broken.' She said.

'Well I most certainly have not!' Snape huffed indignantly, trying and failing to school his features away from thoughts of Lily, hating the slight crack that appeared in his voice.

'What was she like?' Narcissa asked after a time. Snape bristled, glaring at her, but there was nothing but sympathy and innocent curiosity in her eyes. He sighed, burying his face in his hands.

'She was...perfect, fair-minded, brave. She'd defend anyone who needed her. She was honest and truthful, but clever as well, so clever. There's no one that could rival her mind. And beautiful. So beautiful. But now she's gone and it's all my fault.' He felt her hand come to rest across his shoulders.

'She sounds really special.' Narcissa continued, 'But I'll say it again, she's not worth it.' Snape opened his mouth to refute it, to defend Lily against the insinuation, but Narcissa silenced him with a look.

'No matter how wonderful she was, no matter what, she's not worth the amount of pain she's put you through. Nobody is. That's what you learn in Slytherin. You can't trust anyone apart from yourself. Love is a weakness, it leads to heartbreak. You need to put her behind you, and become stronger without your heart, because then it can never get broken.'

He looked at her.

'Do you really believe that?' he asked. She continued looking at him before nodding once, slowly and tightening her arm around him. They sat in silence for a long time, gradually relaxing into each other.

'But...if you don't believe in love, why are you marrying Malfoy? It's not money, or power, you can see in your eyes that you love him, even when he's got some other tart wrapped around his neck right in front of you. Why?' he asked. She looked up from where her head has come to rest on his shoulder before looking briefly around the corridor.

She shushed him and took his hand, pulling him to standing. He followed, perplexed, as she dragged him through the corridors lit by the orange glow of the sunset before bundling him into a room that he'd never been into before. The door shut and locked behind him as he stepped into what looked like a sitting room.

'Where are we...?' he asked, peering around the strange room. Narcissa looked over, confused as to why he wouldn't know it seemed.

'This is the Room of Requirement. I thought all the Purebloods knew about it.' She said, looking confused and flopping down on a sofa that appeared as she fell.

'I'm not a Pureblood.' Snape said unwillingly. She looked highly uncomfortable.

'Oh...yeah...I'd forgotten. Sometimes you act so much like one.' Snape smiled at that, pleased that he had been able to pull off the deception well enough to fool a real Pureblood.

'It's not something to be proud of,' she snapped at him, bringing him out of his reverie. He looked even more confused.

'Look Snape, I like you, always have done. I always thought you could use a friend, and of course you could, a friend who actually understood the workings of Hogwarts. You have no idea that half of the sixth year Slytherins were watching that conversation outside do you?' she said kindly, watching the shock and the horror dawn on his face and felt the need to explain.

'It's what we do. We find someone at their lowest, and explain things to them in the way that makes it sound most appealing, makes being heartless sound like a viable option, makes love seem like its for the weak. They change their ways, and we count it as another point off on our list. You get points for the number of people's lives who you affect, the number of people that you bring to the Dark, that you get to swear away from love and ally themselves only to themselves and to power. It's like sport from about fourth year up among the Purebloods.'

'You mean...they were watching...?' Snape said, flabbergasted at the idea.

'Yes, but don't worry, I don't think any of them will have guessed that you're in love with Lily Evans. They're not as observant as we are.' She smiled sadly at him.

'Wait...what? You know...'

'Of course I know. You could see that I loved Lucius, how could I not see how you felt for Lily? You wear it plain as day on your face, if you're skilled at reading faces that is. Occlumency doesn't work on expressions you know.' Snape felt his jaw drop.

'But Snape, trust me on this. I brought you here to tell you something important. And you need to believe me, and listen to me, and not to what anyone else might say, and what I'm going to say is going to be hard to accept, but you have to, ok?' she was deadly serious now. He looked at her, cautious, but decided that he had nothing left to lose.

'It's worth it. Love. It's worth every little shard of glass that it embeds in your heart. It's worth every time your heart breaks just a little further when you see them with someone else. It's worth every tear, and every sleepless night, and every time you've felt like you were going to fall apart and cease to exist. When they come to you, if they come to you, finally and at last, then you have those brief moments of perfection, the feeling of loving and being loved in return, that is worth all the pain and heartbreak that you go through to get to it. What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, never stop believing in love.' She finished. He sat, trying to take in everything she said. After a time of silence she stood up, crossing the room and laying a hand on his shoulder.

'Remember that Snape,' she passed him, and by the door she turned 'Oh, and meet me here tomorrow at seven thirty.'

'What, why?' He stuttered out.

'Because I'm failing potions and that advice wasn't free,' she grinned cheekily at him and turned, unlocking the door and leaving him there to consider.

* * *

**A/N-** Reviews make me happy. Flames make me sad. Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

'You're late,' Snape pointed out as the blonde girl hurried into the room, face flushed and hair messy. They'd been meeting in the room of requirement now for three or four months. A friendship of sorts had begun to develop, although Snape had little patience for Narcissa's lacklustre attitude to potions, and Narcissa found Snape's devotion to them rather amusing.

'Sorry, got held up.' She averted her eyes. He sighed.

'Who's he with this time?' he asked. She glared at him before collapsing on the seat next to him in front of the cauldron.

'Alecto Carrow' she spat, beginning to rummage around her bag for her potions book, 'On the sofa in the common room'. She sounded vaguely disgusted now as she yanked her book out, slamming it down on the table and causing the cauldron to spill over. Snape swore as boiling water cascaded over his arm.

'Oh, god, sorry,' Narcissa saw what she'd done, scrabbling for her wand as Snape stared blankly at the skin which was beginning to blister. She began to run her wand across his arm, muttering quiet spells. The pain suddenly ceased. Snape blinked, nonplussed. It was as if his arm wasn't his anymore.

'Better?' she asked. He nodded, still slightly shell shocked.

'How did you learn to do that?' he asked.

'Bella was learning incineration curses last summer. She liked to use live targets. It was Andromeda more than me, but I thought it might be useful to know all the same. It's not that difficult once you know how, but then healing spells usually aren't. It's just people can never be bothered to learn them, always just assume that someone else is going to be on hand.' She said, nonchalantly. Snape took a few seconds to take this information in before coming to a conclusion.

'Teach me?' he asked. She grinned.

'Fine, but we've got to finish this potion first. Slughorn wants us to brew it on Wednesday.' Snape agreed and the two of them bent over her potions book, intent in the pursuit of knowledge.


	3. Chapter 3

'Snape, you've got to help me!' Narcissa was distraught as she hurtled into the room of requirement, 'It's Slughorn. He's changed the potion. Tomorrow we're doing the Draft of Living Death instead of the Filander Potion, and I haven't practised it and it's going towards our final grade. If I don't pass potions NEWT I won't graduate! You've got to help me'

Snape held his hands up to calm her down. 'What potion are you doing tomorrow?' he asked calmly, trying to think of a solution for the problem.

'The Draft of Living Death, and it's a really difficult one as well, with lots of complicated little bits and precise measurements and everything, and there's no way I'll be able to do that. I just don't understand when I read the instructions like I do when you explain them to me, please Snape!'

'The Draft of Living Death?' Snape asked. She nodded. He showed his understanding and sat down, beginning to go through the process step by step, not able to demonstrate because he'd brought the ingredients for the Filander Potion, and barely legal potions ingredients were apparently where the room drew the line.

Four hours later and Snape had gone over the potion and the theory behind it seven times, and yet Narcissa was still having trouble comprehending without him there to correct her. She was beginning to panic again. Snape looked at the clock that had appeared on the wall of the room. It was quarter to one in the morning. Realising with a start that they would get detention if they were caught going back to Slytherin Dungeon jolted him out of his frustration.

'Narcissa, we have to go back, look at the time,' he said softly. She glanced up and the panic in her eyes rose another notch.

'I'm never going to understand this potion. I'm going to fail my test tomorrow, can we go over it one more time, please? I mean, I think I understand it now, you put the bezoar in last, after you've added the powdered monk beans, and you stir three times anticlockwise...'

'Clockwise' he corrected quietly.

'Clockwise,' she said, her voice beginning to wobble with tears, 'And then you stir once anticlockwise and turn up the heat...'

'Turn down the heat' Snape corrected again. The tears in Narcissa's eyes brimmed over and she threw herself on him, crying.

'I'm never going to be able to do this. Potions is the one thing that my parents said was the 'Black' art. All the Blacks were good at potions. They're going to be so disappointed in me if I don't pass. I can't do it,' she cried herself to sleep in his arms as he held her, unsure of what to say. Her breathing evened out before he decided what to do. Carefully laying her on the sofa, he moved onto the floor, pulling out his potions textbook.

The next morning Narcissa awoke, alone in the room of requirement. A stabbing pain slipped through her for a moment when she realised that he hadn't waited with her, but then shook herself out of it. What reason did he have to be concerned about her? They were just study partners, a mutually beneficial situation. It wasn't really his problem if she failed potions.

Consulting the clock, she realised she's slept late and had to grab her bag and run to get to the potions test in time. Her insides were shivering as she took her space at her cauldron with the rest of the class and pulled out her textbook.

'Open your book to page 365, The Draft of Living Death, and prepare the potion in silence. Samples of this potion will go towards your final grade, so take great care in preparing it.' Slughorn's voice came from over the class. Feeling vaguely sick, she flipped to the right page and stared. The page was covered in neatly written instructions. Written in handwriting she knew. She flipped back to the front page and saw emblazoned on the inside cover 'This is the property of the Half-Blood Prince'. She smiled. So he really did care if she failed potions.

Still smiling, she flipped back to the correct page and began to read the first instruction he'd written, so much clearer than the book.


	4. Chapter 4

'Are you going home this Christmas?' Narcissa asked, blowing the ink dry on the essay that Snape had just finished helping her through. It had been set for over the holidays, but she'd wanted to get it out of the way quickly, and Snape had been only too happy to help her. She suspected he was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Evans was spending her holiday with Potter, as she'd found out through a friend of a friend of a friend who was sitting behind Potter when he was talking about it.

'Mother expects me back,' He sounded dejected. She knew exactly how he felt. Her presence had been requested at home this Christmas to attend several dull Pureblood yuletide functions. To be honest, she'd rather spend the time at school where at least she would be safe from Bella wanting 'help with her spellwork', but Lucius would probably be at the parties, so that was almost a perk.

'Narcissa?' She snapped out of her daze, focusing on him again. It was clear he'd been asking her something.

'Sorry, what was that? I phased out for a moment there,' she said. He nodded understandingly. Obviously he could see more of her than she thought and yet she couldn't bring herself to push him away as she knew she should.

'I asked if you were going home too,' he said. She nodded.

'Parties to attend, appearances to make. I don't see why I still have to suffer those things. They're just mating grounds where parents pick out worthy spouses for their children, and Lucius and I have been engaged since we were about 8, so there's no point in mother and father letting the other parents evaluate me. But I suppose, it would be rude not to attend...and I'll get to see Andromeda again. She might make it more bearable at least.'

'Have you heard from her lately?' Snape asked, glad of a topic that wasn't the upcoming weeks of hell that they were going to be subjected to, or Lucius, whose behaviour seemed to have worsened in light of that fact that soon he would be deprived of female company for a few weeks.

'She wrote to me last week. Her research is going well, and mother and father haven't noticed her sneaking the specimens out of the house when she visits, so that's good. She's close to a breakthrough in her doxy research I think, but the she's hit a wall on Wartcaps. St. Mungo's are sending a trainee healer to help her with the last few hurdles on the doxies, and then she'll be able to publish her research. His name's Ted, or Tad, or Tag or some vulgar thing like that, but she seems happy enough.'

'That reminds me, could you thank her for the advice with that potion I was struggling with. I changed the ingredients just as she said and it worked, though I had to significantly alter the proportions, so it's a little runnier than usual.' Snape said. Narcissa rolled her eyes.

'You and your experimental potions. One day you're going to blow yourself up. But I'll tell her, I don't doubt she'll have some more ideas if there's anything else you want me to ask her about?' Narcissa offered.

'Well...there was an alteration I was considering in the Moonsong potion, but I need to do some more research on the effects of dragon scales...' Snape said, considering.

'Tell you what, you think of anything else, tell me in a letter and I'll ask her. Deal?' she suggested, seeing that she wouldn't be able to get much more out of him that night.

'Write to you?' he looked dumbfounded.

'Yes, with a pen and parchment and an owl, you do have an owl, right?' she asked, confused at his shocked expression.

'Well, yes, but I didn't think you'd want to hear from me over the holiday. I mean, I can't help you with potions by letter, and you'll have Andromeda to help with your other homework, and what if your parents found out you were corresponding with a half blood. They'd be furious.' He explained, blushing and looking down.

'You think I care what they think? They can go insult hippogriffs for all I care. And I don't want help with potions; I just want to talk to you. I'll miss you. You're my friend.' She said, forcing him to look her in the eye, 'You're the one person that I can really talk to, about anything, without worrying that you might use it against me later. And, however stupid it might be, I trust you Snape. If I couldn't talk to you, I'd explode, or curse someone, and if that person's Bella then I'm dead. So please write to me over Christmas, about anything? Tell me about potions if you must, just write to me about something?' she pleaded, letting him see the vulnerability and the trust in her eyes.

'I...of course I'll write to you.' He answered, shaken by her words, 'But before that you promised to teach me that spell you knew for healing minor cuts, remember, when you slipped with that silver knife?'

Narcissa sighed. 'It's always about the work with you, isn't it?'

'Always,' he smiled as she pulled out her wand and began demonstrating the wand movement that he needed to learn.


	5. Chapter 5

21st December

Dear Narcissa,

You asked me to write to you so I thought I should follow through with my agreement. Give my greetings to Andromeda, and wish her luck with her studies. I hope you are enjoying your holiday and not finding it too boring. I have been practising the incantation that you taught me and think I have perfected it, but considering the lack of open wounds, have found practising difficult.

I hope this fulfils your request for correspondence.

Yours,

Severus

XxXxXx

23rd December

Dearest Severus,

Thank you so much for writing! I thought I'd die of boredom and lack of stimulating conversation. Andromeda thanks you for your interest but seems more focused on her assistant than her studies. He's muggleborn, if you'd believe it, and she seems completely infatuated with him. I worry for her. If my parents or Bellatrix ever find out about her infatuation I don't know what will happen. She's stealing doxies from my aunt's house ever time we visit for tea and hiding them in the pockets of her robes. I don't understand how she could stand being near those foul things.

I'm glad that you're progressing well with the incantation, and even gladder for the absence of open wounds. Bellatrix is strangely quiet this break. She spends most of her time out of the house with Macnair and Avery. I don't think I want to know what she's doing, but anything that gets her away from Andromeda and I is a good thing.

Last night we attended the first pureblood yuletide party of the season, at the house of Amycus and Alecto Carrow. Lucius was there, but seemed more taken with Alecto than ever. Evidently his obsession still has not been sated. It's very distasteful. Cousin Sirius is moping around the functions like a kicked puppy. He seems to have something on his mind. He will not talk to any of us and Andromeda says that he spends his days locked in his bedroom at my aunt's house. When we visited for tea he would not even leave his room to greet us. Bellatrix was most upset but thankfully was distracted by a house elf spilling tea on her robes. I think something might be going on, but I don't know what. It is all very confusing.

Yours gratefully,

Narcissa

xXxXxX

24th December

Dear Narcissa,

I am glad that Andromeda is happy, though I too am concerned for her welfare. You should counsel her against such infatuation. Loving muggleborns is a painful experience that can never end well for Slytherins. Counsel her to proceed with her work diligently and to take care when stealing doxies from your aunt's house.

This news of Bellatrix is unsurprising. I know the people with whom Macnair and Avery consort and, though I am glad that she spends less time with you, I worry about where she spends that time, and what she does.

My condolences over Lucius. His actions are unbecoming of a man of any station, let alone a respected Pureblood. He is a fool.

As to your cousin, I cannot say that his discomfort displeases me, though his actions are strange. He usually enjoys seizing attention for himself at any opportunity, idiotic as it might make him look. If you would be so kind as to keep me updated on his movements I would be very grateful. He is most likely suffering from some adolescent crush that he believes to be love or some such silly notion and will return to his normal insufferable self soon, but information, as always, is power.

Wishing you the best of Christmases,

Severus

xXxXxX

29th December

Dear Severus

I regret that I have not been able to write earlier. I have been busy over this festive season attending functions and soothing my family. I have never seen my aunt more incensed, nor Bella for that matter, though she seems to be growing more temperamental by the day.

On Christmas night we were at my aunt's house for a small family get together, about sixty of us eating dinner and 'socially networking', as mother calls it. Andromeda and I were upstairs borrowing doxies for her research and saw cousin Sirius storming back to his room. Andromeda waylaid him and asked what had happened. Apparently he and my aunt had argued over his so called friends and he decided that enough was enough and he no longer wished to belong to our noble and illustrious house. Andromeda of course tried to dissuade him, knowing the dangers of going against the will of my aunt, but, being the attention seeking child he is, he could not be persuaded. Soon afterwards he re-emerged with some belongings and returned to the main room. Of course I followed; any spectacle to make the party more interesting was well worth it in my mind.

First, he crossed to my aunt and formally told her that he wanted no further part in our family, that she was not to contact him, nor to insult his friends or himself again. He called her all sorts of terrible things and thoroughly embarrassed her in front of everyone, acting like a foolish Gryffindor in a rage. Then he made to cross to the door. That's when Bella acted. She cursed him. That was the beginning. Soon everyone was joining in. It was enough to make you pity him. I know well what it is to be on the end of Bella's wand and I would not wish that upon my worst enemy, or yours, as the case seems to be.

Andromeda intervened in the end. She said that it was pointless for us to attack one of our own, and demeaning, and that surely it would hurt him more to be denied every privilege ever given to our noble house than to physically hurt him until death, which he was close to by that point. She also pointed out that one renegade child was not worth Azkaban. That stopped most of the family, only Bella and my aunt refused to listen. Thankfully my uncle was able to distract my aunt, dragging her off to ceremoniously destroy his name on our family tapestry. The family went with her and Andromeda managed to drag Bella off to a small room while the others were distracted. That left cousin Sirius lying in a heap on the floor, ignored as is done with those who no longer belong to the family and in a pitiable state.

I shall have to ask you to forgive me for helping your tormentor Severus, but anyone would have done if they had seen his condition, it was shocking. He might be an immature, arrogant bully, but he does not deserve the violent streak of the whole Black family turned against him. I healed him as best I could with my limited knowledge. He was still in a bad state when I helped him to stand and took him and his belongings out of the house. From there I had to practically carry him to the side of the road and onto the Knight Bus. The conductor looked a bit dubious, understandably I suppose. Neither of us had any outdoor clothing on and we were out in London alone on Christmas night and he was barely conscious. Luckily I had enough money to stop him from talking, though I will reclaim it from cousin Sirius as soon as I can. He mumbled some address to me and I repeated it before getting him settled into a bed. He promptly passed out on the first bed I dumped him into and I could relax and think about what I was doing. I mean, I wasn't supposed to be helping him, he's a blood traitor, and against my family and everything we stand for, not to mention a pompous arrogant prat who was dastardly to you. Bella would kill me. Mother would kill me. My aunt would blast me off the tapestry right behind Sirius if she found out about me helping him. Thankfully she got drunk enough that night to forget about the beating that he had been dealt and think he made it out on his own, even though it would have been impossible. Some of the others in the family probably have guessed, but none of them have reason yet to bring it up against me.

We arrived at the address that Sirius had given to me and I knocked on the door. That Potter prat answered it, looking rather tousled. I am glad to say that we woke him from his sleep and he looked rather annoyed, and shocked, until he saw my cousin in my arms. I must give him some credit for the lack of questions he asked, and for his speed of action. We had a very short conversation that I shall attempt to transcribe for you.

He opened the door and blinked at me. 'What the...Black? What are you doing here at god knows what time of night?' he looked wary, and rightly so. He might even trust me less than I trust him, but human decency kept me on the doorstep of the boy I despised to help the cousin I despised further.

'I have something you might want, since we have no further use for the idiot. He went off on one and insulted my aunt and the entire family. She had no choice but to throw him out. There was some violence involved. He gave your address so you'd better keep him; none of us can associate with him anymore. He's cut himself off, no money, and no aid, no anything. Such an idiot.' I realised at the end I was muttering and so pushed my barely conscious cousin onto him and turned to go. A voice stopped me.

'Cissy,' Sirius seemed to have regained some sense of self in the arms of his friend and they were both now looking at me. I glared back, daring them to say more, but, being the idiot that he is, Sirius continued, 'Thanks. For everything.'

'Don't mention it.' I said, 'Really. They'll disown me if you do. That goes for you too Potter. I didn't do anything.' They nodded at me, some unreadable expression in their faces. It made me uncomfortable, so I left.

That is likely the last time that I will converse with my cousin. I must admit that I feel some kind of loss at this, despite the hatred that I held for the man. He was still a relative. I cannot show this though, since the whole family is currently fuming about his desertion. The guilt for helping him is increasing as time passes, human decency does not fit well with Black morality.

On a more worrying note, I returned to find Andromeda unconscious in the room she and Bella had gone into. Bella has never been this violent before, nor this irrational. Perhaps Sirius' desertion is affecting her, but I doubt it. I think something bad might be happening with her, and now Cousin Sirius has gone she has lost one of her main targets. I worry about what this means for the rest of us, especially little cousin Regulus. eHe He's only 13.

Please write back soon. I need someone to remind me that there's more to life than my family.

Yours

Narcissa

XxXxXx

31st December

Narcissa,

I will be in The Leaky Cauldron on the 3rd January at 11 o clock if you wish to meet me. If you are unable to escape your family I will understand.

Severus

XxXxXx

1st January

Severus,

I'll see you then.

Narcissa


End file.
